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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  September 13, 2014 12:36am-1:38am EDT

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to glenn close, justin long, kurt braunohler. pcpc and the roots, right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend, hope to see you next week. buh-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- gwen stefani, american tennis legend, andy roddick, music from counting crows featuring the 8g band.
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and now here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everyone. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] i'm just gonna start off and ask -- are people getting excited for the new iphone? [ cheers and applause ] experts say that the new iphone 6 will come with a mobile wallet that will eliminate the need to carry cash or credit cards. they're hoping that the mobile wallet feature will distract hackers from your nude photos. [ laughter ] that's good. so, that's very good. [ applause ] some more bad news for president obama.
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president obama's approval rating in california has fallen 5% since june. 5% since june. it started to go downhill when california residents found out that obama contains gluten. [ laughter and applause ] so for them, it's a non-starter. this is cool news. next year's organizers of the new york city st. patrick's day parade will allow a gay group to march for the very first time. [ cheers and applause ] it's crazy. because everyone, everyone, no matter their sexual orientation, deserves the right to vomit on the streets in front of their children. [ laughter and applause ] that's a universal right. this is kind of interesting. a new store has opened in kosovo devoted specifically to pantsuits like those worn by hillary clinton. [ light laughter ] the store is called forever 61. [ laughter and applause ]
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you're welcome. forever 61. [ cheers and applause ] seems like there's one every day -- another nfl crime story in the news. denver broncos' wide receiver, wes welker, has been suspended for four games after he tested positive for the drug molly. when asked how he felt about the suspension, welker said, "i feel great." [ laughter and applause ] allegedly, welker took the molly at the kentucky derby. even more embarrassing, that night he made out with a horse. [ laughter ] the fifth place horse. [ laughter ] that's when you know you've had too much. there's a new study out. we get very excited about new studies here at "late night." according to a new study, short men get married later in life than tall and average height men. presumably because when they get down on one knee, their girlfriend can't hear what
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they're asking. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you don't have to clap. you don't have to. [ laughter ] the same study also said that tall men have less stable marriages than short men probably because it's easier for them to see other people. [ laughter and applause ] this is just insane. last week in jackson county, three residents were arrested after they threw a toilet seat at supposed attackers of their meth lab which turned out to be hallucinations. [ laughter ] so in other words, pretty good meth. [ laughter ] pretty good meth. [ applause ] this isn't too surprising, i guess. this year, santa monica, california, is holding the first ever vegan oktoberfest featuring vegan versions of german brats, beer and pretzels. even animals are saying, "that
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sounds awful." [ laughter ] happy birthday to charlie sheen who turns 49-years-old today. give it up for charlie sheen. [ cheers and applause ] and to surprise him, his friends got him a cake without a stripper inside. [ laughter ] "where did you think the stripper was going to be in a tiny cake, charlie?" "i don't know, man. i'm a dreamer." [ laughter ] this is really cool. in salt lake city, police cracked a 23-year-old murder case using residual fingerprints found on lego blocks. and then, all that was left to do was put the pieces together. [ laughter and applause ] yesterday, a family in california was charged with selling counterfeit viagra on craigslist. when asked why people would buy viagra from craigslist, they
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said, "it's not hard." [ laughter and applause ] this is interesting news. mcdonald's is reporting that their sales are declining with millennials. in response, mcdonald's is changing their slogan from "i'm loving it" to "it's fine, i guess, whatever." [ laughter ] ♪ da da da da da it's fine, i guess whatever ♪ [ laughter ] and finally, this is just strange. a couple in ohio is facing theft charges after they were caught stealing four vibrators from a walmart on monday night. but their lawyer is pretty confident they'll get off. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how we doing, 8g band?
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are you happy with your new digs? do you not like your new stage over there? you look great. you look like a million dollars. you have a beautiful window behind you. the city looks great. [ laughter ] i also have a beautiful window behind me. real -- these are real windows. [ laughter ] these are real views of new york city. i want to say happy anniversary to my wife. i forgot to say it yesterday. shame on me. but that's okay. [ audience aws ] you know why that's okay? because she doesn't watch the show. so, she doesn't even know. [ laughter ] before we were married, she would've watched it. now, she doesn't have to watch it. why? because she has this. but actually, it was this weekend and we were celebrating our one-year anniversary. and there are a lot of romantic places you can take your wife for your one- year anniversary. and my wife is -- one of the reasons, one of the many reasons why she is so great is -- she let me take her to portland, so that i could shoot an episode of "portlandia" with fred. [ cheers and applause ] really exciting. now, fred and i worked at "snl"
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together for years. so, fred knows my many limitations as a sketch actor. fred is a man with no limitations. i am man of -- i'm incredibly limited. so, i said to fred, "remember i don't like make-up and i don't like wigs." and he was like, "i got it. i got a perfect part for you." so, here is a picture of my wife and i on the set of "portlandia." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there you go. -- and i have to say, i wore goth make-up for about two hours and i just want to say to everyone who is a goth or has ever been a goth, i totally get it. [ laughter ] it was like the best two hours of my life. i felt -- [ laughter ] nobody bothers you. [ laughter ] nobody ever comes up to you to and is like, "hey, how's it going?" they just assume you're working through stuff. [ laughter ] you get a lot of time on your own when you're fully gothed up. you feel really safe, too. i really enjoyed it. i highly recommend gothing it up. [ light laughter ] so, over the weekend, you may have heard or seen nude photos
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of celebrities were stolen off of their phones and posted online. it's a terrible invasion of privacy. but probably the most disconcerting part of this for me -- this scandal -- is that some people are blaming the celebrities for having the nude photos on their phone in the first place. for example, "the new york daily news" said this -- "this blame game shifts responsibility from an obvious fact. it just isn't wise to keep nude photos of yourself on your computer if you don't want them made public." okay. so, this leads us to a segment we do here at "late night" called "couple things." ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: first thing -- the fact that we live in a world right now where technology let's two people send each other naked pictures of themselves is excellent. [ laughter ] it is better than flying cars. the fact that you can be sitting at your desk at work, have your phone make a ping and instead of an email from your boss saying -- "where's the peterson report?" -- it's a text from someone special saying, "hey, i have these and i would like you to see them" is great.
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[ laughter ] let's not live in a world where that can't happen anymore. [ applause ] second thing -- it's never your fault if private naked pictures of you get out. and by the way, technology's getting to a point where soon all of our naked bodies will be caught by some camera somewhere. you'll be in your bedroom changing clothes. at the same time, an amazon drone flies by your window to deliver your order of coffee pots. now, all of a sudden in some amazon cloud, there's a naked picture of you bent over struggling to take off your socks. [ laughter ] will that be your fault? will people say, "hey, that's what you get for not changing in the closet with all the lights off." [ laughter ] if it doesn't have your consent, it's never your fault, period. tangent thing -- does anyone like seeing pictures of a guy's dong? [ laughter ] does anyone get that on their cell phone and say, "woo, look at this floppy piece of nonsense." [ laughter ] people call it their junk and everyone seems all right with that. yeah, that looks like junk.
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[ laughter ] of course, if we're being honest, the most embarrassing thing on guy's phone isn't the picture of his business he sent out, it's the first seven he took before the lighting and angle were right. [ laughter ] you know, the one where the cat gets in the shot. [ laughter ] third thing -- there are three kinds of people -- those who looked at the pictures, those who didn't and those who tried to look, couldn't find them, gave up and are now at dinner parties saying, "you know what? it didn't seem right to look at them." [ laughter ] to that last group, i'd like to say, you're not noble. you're just bad at the internet. [ laughter ] final thing -- stop calling them hackers. they're thieves. hackers are the cool geniuses in movies who are always the underdog saying things like, "i cracked the mainframe. we're in!" or "there's one more thing i can try, but it's a long shot." [ laughter ] this isn't neo freeing mankind from slavery. this is perverts making money off of stolen goods. in summary, if you have a store that gets robbed, it's not your fault for having stuff people wanted. and the same goes for pictures on phones.
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with that said, everyone go home, change your passwords because we live in a world full of monsters. [ laughter ] this has been a couple things! [ cheers and applause ] we've got a great show for you tonight. gwen stefani is here. [ cheers and applause ] so excited to talk to her. also stopping by, former world number one tennis player, andy roddick, is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and one of my all time favorite bands, we'll have music from the counting crows. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back to "late night." in this day and age, we know celebrities better than ever, whether it's through twitter, instagram, or reading about them online. but we were wondering, how well do people actually know how to spell their names. let's find out by playing a little game called "celebrity spelling bee." ♪ [ applause ] >> seth: let's meet our three contestants. you guys ready to play? what do we got? aisha, patrick, and nathan. we ready? >> yep. >> seth: all right, in that case, cassandra, can we have the first round names?
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[ applause ] >> first round. >> seth: cassandra, how was your labor day? >> i was in labor. >> seth: what? [ laughter ] >> i had a baby. >> seth: you did? >> i'm a mom. >> seth: wow. [ cheers ] all right. all right, aisha. let's get started. this is for one point. the nfl season is starting this weekend and he's the quarterback for the pittsburgh steelers. your name is ben roethlisberger. would you like me to use it in a sentence? >> yeah. >> seth: "ben roethlisberger is also unable to spell ben roethlisberger." [ laughter ] ben roethlisberger. >> b-e-n. >> seth: you're doing great. roethlisberger. [ laughter ] >> r-o-t-h-l-i-s-b-e-r-g-e-r. [ buzzer ] >> seth: very close! there's a weird e after the o. you forgot the weird e.
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contestant number two, you ready to play? >> i am ready. >> seth: patrick, a very easy to spell name. that does not put you in very good training for this. she earned an academy award nomination for her role in the film "beast of the southern wild." your celebrity name is quvenzhané wallis. [ laughter ] would you like to hear it in a sentence? >> i would. >> seth: your sentence is "good luck spelling quvenzhané wallis." [ laughter ] a word of warning patrick, there is an accent mark above one of the letters, but don't worry i don't think you'll get that far. [laughter] >> k- [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: q. [ laughter ] all right. everybody has zero points. been a lot of tough ones. contestant number three, nathan your celebrity name is prince. [laughter] >> i'm going to go with p-r-i-n-c-e.
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[ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: he may be the prince, but with a one point lead, you are the current king of celebrity spelling bee. cassandra, can we have the round two names? [ cheers and applause ] >> second round. >> seth: cassandra, what did you name your baby? >> seth meyers. >> seth: aw, that's nice. who's the father? >> seth meyers. >> seth: no i'm not, cassandra. >> okay. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] contestant number one, he's a professional dancer on dancing with the stars. spell maksim chmerkovskiy. [ laughter ] would you like a definition? >> yeah. >> seth: dancing, a type of art done by one self or with a partner that generally involves movement of the body often rhythm and set to music. now please spell. maksim chmerkovskiy. >> uhm, okay, m-a-k-s-i-m. >> seth: wow, you are very good at this. >> okay, good luck.
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c-h-m-e-r-k-o-v-s-k-y. >> seth: oh my goodness. [ cheers ] he had a weird i right at the end. [ laughter ] i'm going to be honest. you're doing a lot better than we thought you would do. [ laughter ] actually, you know what? it was so close we're going to go to our judges. oh, man. they are in a mood today. contestant number two, your celebrity name is r & b artist, akon. [ crying baby ] oh, and the sound of the baby crying means that you have to spell akon's birth name which is, and this is real. aliaune damala bouga time bongo purunacka lu lu lu badara akon thiam. would you like a hint? >> i would. >> seth: it starts with an a. [ laughter ] >> a-k-o-n.
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[ buzzer ] >> seth: not well done. [ laughter ] contestant number three your name is also aliaune damala bouga time bongo puru nacka lu lu lu badara akon thiam [ slide whistle ] oh, but the sound of a slide whistle means you have to spell his stage name, akon. [ laughter ] would you like a hint? >> oh, yes please. >> seth: it starts with an a. >> okay. >> seth: then a k then an o and an n. >> i'm nervous. a-k-o-n? >> seth: yes, well done. [ cheers and applause ] you're in the lead with two points. and in the words of akon, "damn, you a sexy bitch." [ laughter ] cassandra, can we have the round three names? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: cassandra, why didn't you tell anyone about your pregnancy? >> i didn't know. [ laughter ] >> seth: shouldn't you be taking time off to rest?
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>> well seth, we live in a male dominated society in which working women are unfairly placed at a disadvantage purely based on their sex. and even though i'm entitled by law to maternity leave, i was worried that in my absence, i would be replaced by someone younger, more attractive. in conclusion, i was concerned that if i disclosed my pregnancy, my employers would think my work would become less of a priority, which is patently false. seth, i believe women can have it all, and i cassandra strasburg, am here to prove it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and that sincere speech from cassandra means we've entered the final round. >> final round. [ applause ]
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>> seth: all right. ♪ and that sound means it's a james bond round. contestant number one, she played the bond girl aki in "you only live twice." spell akiko wakabayashi. ♪ oh, the bond theme in reverse, means your turn goes to contestant number three. [ cash register ] and the sound of coins, contestant number three, means you've been awarded seven celebrity spelling bee tokens which you can cash in to spell an easier name. would you like to use those tokens now, and may i remind you, this is the last round and the last time you can use them? >> absolutely. >> seth: all right. dame judy dench played m in the last five bond movies. [ laughter ] for 8 million points, spell m. >> m. [ ding ] >> seth: that is correct. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that is correct. you are the winner nathan. and for putting up with all of this nonsense, you're all -- all three of you are going to get xbox ones courtesy of cassandra.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ cassandra, where's your baby? >> uh oh. >> seth: oh, no. we'll be right back with gwen stefani! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ get 4 lines for just a hundred bucks a month. with unlimited talk, text and now up to ten gigabytes of 4g lte data. no overages no contracts
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest has won three grammys, sold over 30 million albums and starting september 22nd, she'll join the coaching panel of the hit nbc show, "the voice." now, you may remember at the emmy's last week, she announced the winner for outstanding variety series and mispronounced the name of "the colbert report." [ laughter ] so, to introduce her tonight and even the score, i'd like to turn it over to my friend steven colbert. [ cheers ] >> please welcome gwar stompani. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you look beautiful. >> thank you.
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>> seth: thanks for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> seth: we met at the emmy's back stage right after that. it was a fun moment to meet. >> it was a really cool moment. it was right when i was freaking out. and -- and i know you were probably freaking out. >> seth: i was freaking out as well. >> and i was getting introduced to you. i'm like wait, he's hosting right now. like, let's stop talking to him. like, he's got to be nervous. i know i am. >> seth: i was. but it was nice. we had a nice nervous moment. >> yeah. it was great. and you did a great job. >> seth: thank you very much. >> and i don't think you messed up any names. did you? >> seth: i didn't but i mess up names all the time. >> and me too. let's mess up names right now. >> seth: we should. [ laughter ] we should do a few. >> let's try not to talk good. >> seth: adam le-vine. you work with adam levine and phar -- phar-ella. [ laughter ] you took over for christina ag-a-lera. [ laughter ] agullelujah. so, you -- you had a big award show weekend because you were at the vmas the night before. >> i did. yeah, that was amazing. >> seth: was the vmas -- is that a fun night because it looks like a fun night. >> it is and i hadn't been there for so long. and i walked on the red carpet and it was, like, electric. it was like the opposite of the emmy's red carpet. [ laughter ] it was like, the opposite. >> seth: it's also, like, i feel
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as though at the vmas, people would say on the red carpet, "what are you wearing? who are you wearing?" and they'd be like, "barely anything." >> i know. [ laughter ] seriously, right? >> seth: yeah. >> all i could see was bottoms, like, butt cheeks everywhere. i was like, "whoa! butt checks!" [ laughter ] >> seth: you -- also, you kinda created a new -- i hope you created a new fad at the vmas. you were caught on camera doing, what i can only call, a two finger clap. did you know you did this? >> oh! you know what? that was out of necessity. because they bring actually trays of drinks around at that show. >> seth: yeah. >> so, yeah. >> seth: so much more fun than the emmys. [ laughter ] but here's a clip -- here's a clip of the gwen doing the now gwen stefani two finger clap. >> seth: taylor swift just finishes, and here we go. and look at you. [ laughter ] >> yay! we started. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i feel like that's the way a queen claps right before she has the jester killed. [ laughter ] bravo, jester. [ laughter ] >> i learned that at camp. if everybody does it together,
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it sounds like rain. >> seth: oh, really? >> yeah! it's really cool. you have to be really quiet, though. try it. >> seth: i'll buy it. [ laughter ] for the show, when we actually air this we'll just play clips of rain -- >> put the real rain -- yeah, good idea. [ laughter ] >> seth: don't worry. we'll fix all of this in post. so how -- you have been in the music industry for such a long time. it feels like shows like "the voice" are changing the way music works a little bit. is it weird for you? is it exciting? >> it is weird because back in the day, like, we would, you know, we'd go to kinkos. we'd make our fliers. we'd pass 'em out. we'd, you know, we'd go to the p.o. box and get our -- our fan mail. like, our ten letters. it was like, and then we'd take like two weeks to write 'em back and it was - - it was just a different time and i remember back -- back a few years ago when kelly clarkson came out and we were like, "oh!" and i lost all my vma awards to her. i was like, "okay. well, i guess that now, times have changed. you can be on a, you know, talent show and make it in music. and -- so, i feel like "the voice" now is like if you have a single and
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you wanna break your music, that's where you go to play. so, it's kind of what's happening right now. it's a platform for music. >> seth: and is it exciting for you to be in the world where you're coaching and judging? >> you know what? it's so weird because i had my little baby. i had no idea that i was going to have another baby which is such a blessing. it's so incredible. and then -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. beautiful. she is -- she's like incredible. and i got this call and out of nowhere and my parents were over and we were all like, visiting. the baby is like 5 weeks or something. and i just put the phone down and i'm like, "my life is so weird. they just asked me to do 'the voice.'" and my niece was over and she is 18. she's like, "yes! you gotta do it. you gotta do it." and i was like -- and just started asking like, "should i do it? should i do it?" and so i had no idea that this was gonna be this like -- i feel like i've been in a cocoon having a baby and now i'm like a butterfly. [ laughter ] everything's happening. it is! it feels like a whole new chapter for me. >> seth: now, is this true that your two other children, or at least one of them, is really excited about the baby. >> okay. yeah, kingston.
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kingston, my older boy -- >> seth: how old is kingston? >> he's eight years old. >> seth: okay. >> and he -- he really -- he has like a direct link to god basically because he asked me, "mom? are you gonna have a baby? i want you to have a baby." i was like, "um. no. it's over. we're not having anymore. this is our family." "dear god, please let my mom have a baby. please god. please, let my mom have a baby." and i swear to you, like, he prayed every single night and four weeks later, i was pregnant. [ laughter ] so, i'm like -- and he -- and then -- so, i brought out a cake after we found out it was really going to happen and it said "we're having a baby." and he -- i made him read it and he goes, "what? who? what?" i said, "yeah! we're having a baby" and he goes, "i prayed for that!" [ cheers and applause ] so, it's very cute. >> seth: that's so exciting. >> yeah. >> seth: but also, now you gotta be pretty worried when you hear him praying. >> no. he prays for everything. he's like "please god, please let me have another cupcake. yes!" [ laughter ] whatever, you know? it's like, he really believes. >> seth: well, that's very exciting.
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and now you, your kids have had some -- have met some pretty impressive people through your career. and you had michelle obama, the first lady, over at your house? >> i did, but yeah, that was kind of a while ago now and that was crazy. i mean, literally -- >> seth: crazy good? >> crazy -- crazy weird. like, imagine like -- at the time, i don't know how old he was, maybe he was like 6 and he didn't really get it. he was like -- he knew she was important. the president. you know what i mean? >> seth: right. >> he was trying to learn it and -- >> seth: but you know, he talks to god, so it's not that big a deal. >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> he was like so worried about having -- because we were having, like, a charity at our house, in our backyard and there were gonna be hundreds of people. and he was just so worried about strangers. "i don't want people in our house that i don't know." and i said, "but it's so important. we're going to help people. so anyway, they were like, "okay, when the first lady gets here, we want all of the children lined up and everyone needs to be standing here for at least ten minutes just waiting." and i was like, "okay. good luck because these kids are not gonna stand here for ten minutes." right?
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[ laughter ] like -- so, they are just standing there rolling around. it's like chaos and she gets there, right. she walks in and then one of them, the big one steps on the little one on the floor in front of her, steps on the other one's hand. then i have to pick them up and i have on a pink silk white top and he drools all over it and they are screaming and crying and we're trying to get a picture. [ laughter ] you know? but she was so awesome. she was like "look. i got kids. i totally get it." and i'm sure that was the least of her problems. >> seth: yeah, exactly. the great thing will be when they grow up you can tell them how they behaved in front of the first lady. [ laughter ] >> i know. he felt -- he knew and so he actually went into his room and like did like, some a play sculpture and gave it to her at the end and was like, "i'm sorry i was crying on the floor in front of you." >> seth: i like the way he repaid. like, he has seen heads of state give gifts. it's like, "i would like to present you with this gift from my bedroom it is a piece of clay sculpture and i hope that our countries can work together in the future." [ laughter ] i'm so excited.
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i can't wait to see you on "the voice." that'll be so exciting. >> i'm having so much fun. >> seth: it's a great show and i can't wait for it to start. >> thanks for having me. >> seth: thank you much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: gwen stefani, everyone. the new season of "the voice" premieres monday, september 22nd on nbc. we'll be right back with andy roddick. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ introducing new johnny appleseed hard apple cider. refreshingly sweet and intense. and bursting with a crisp apple bite.
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to prove a point about internet speeds, we slowed down an up escalator. this is crazy i don't get it, this one is working ladies, shouldn't up be as fast as down? yeah. shouldn't internet speeds match as well? yes. do your socks match? my socks match. do your eyeballs match? yes. cable does not match the speeds. makes you want to go mad. erggggh. only verizon fios comes with speedmatch - upload speeds as fast as your download speeds join now at verizon. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everyone. our next guest is a u.s. open champion and a former world number one tennis player. now, you can see him as an analyst on "fox sports live" which airs nightly on fox sports 1. ladies and gentlemen, andy roddick. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it's very nice to see you again. how's everything going? >> it's great to see you. >> seth: so, you're working at fox sports 1 now. >> yes. >> seth: this is something that went online a couple of months ago. i want to show it real quick and then i want you to explain how something like this came about. >> okay. >> seth: first, i'm just going to show the clip. this is you on fox sports 1. >> [ bleep ] [ laughter ] [ bleep ]. >> oh, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> seth: why are you doing that?
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>> so, those are our genius anchors, jay onrait and dan o'toole, and they passingly said, "hey, wouldn't it be funny if you hit tennis balls at us one time?" [ laughter ] and so i made honest men and put them up to it the next day. and so -- it was -- i hit them hard. >> seth: yeah, you did. now, this is a -- you can kind of see but here's a photo of his legs the next day. [ audience ohs ] do you feel bad? do you feel bad when you see that? >> i feel bad when i see stuff like that now. so, i retired from tennis two years ago and and i'm pretty mellow away from the court. obviously, when i was playing i was not that. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] and so i kind of felt bad. so, i hit them. dan went down and he's a kind of like, floundering on the ground and our baseball analyst, dave capler, says over my shoulder, he's like, "you can get him one more time." [ laughter ] and just -- the aggression took over and i became a dickhead all over again. it was unbelievable. [ laughter ] so i kinda fire a soft one down on the ground and it hits him in the eye. [ audience ohs ] and i didn't think much about it. he walks in the next day and he's kinda got this like, this like a pirate eye going where he
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can't really open it. so in that moment, i felt bad. [ laughter ] >> seth: the good news is that way, he couldn't see the rest of his bruises. you've rendered him -- >> he's reading sports highlights like this at night -- >> seth: and what's the best part about being retired for you so far? >> being able to say "yes" to things. i was never as talented as roger, as raf, as novak, as murray. and so i kinda tried to make up that talent divide by working hard. and that's kind of a fancy way of saying i was a complete psychopath. right? [ laughter ] so, it was like i had to be up at a certain time and eat at a certain time before i worked out. i was very kinda regimented. my wife is a saint for putting up with me all those years but now, i never said yes to anything. it was like, "let's take a three day trip somewhere." okay, where can i train? do they have this and do they have that? and so now i can actually do stuff and say yes to stuff. so that's probably the coolest part. >> seth: well, i remember when you hosted "snl." that's the same thing, which is the "snl" schedule is hard for a host. but you were finding time to play tennis then. >> well, that was -- that was weird. and i thank you and all of your cast mates for carrying me that week because i'm pretty sure i was horrendous. >> seth: you were great.
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>> yeah, that's -- that's nice. [ laughter ] >> seth: at tennis. >> yeah. >> seth: sorry, i wasn't done. >> sorry, i didn't mean to interrupt you there with your insult. that was -- [ laughter and applause ] that was weird because i was actually trying to be number one the next week on our matches and then i was doing "snl." >> seth: poorly timed. i probably shouldn't have done it as a professional but -- i did. >> seth: you -- your birthday always fell during the u.s. open. you're birthday was what, last week? >> yeah, august 30th. >> seth: was that fun, not fun to be in new york on your birthday? >> so, i mentioned how i was kind of an ass[ bleep ] when i played. how i was bit of a psychopath for the process of it so imagine me trying to get ready for a night match at the u.s. open and everyone going "happy birthday." [ laughter ] you know, that's fantastic and i'm going -- thank you. no, so i didn't -- looking back, there are a lot of great memories from having a birthday at the open but when it was actually in realtime, i didn't really like it. i remember one year, i was -- 2005, i was number two seed and there was an ad campaign from
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one of my sponsors. which you remember like, dan and dave back in the day? where they had this big ad campaign and then these decathletes and they didn't end up making the olympics but they had already put money -- that was me. i lost first round. i completely ruined this company's campaign. >> seth: but they kept showing -- yeah. >> i ruined it. i ruined it. and so that was -- that was on a birthday. so, but, conversely, my 21st birthday came middle of the tournament when i won, so i had a 21st birthday celebration and a u.s. open celebration in the same night. so -- i vomited everywhere. >> seth: good, good [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you cover all sports on fox? >> i do. >> seth: on fox sports 1 but you also cover tennis. and you got to interview roger federer who, of course, you played many times. what was that like? >> i feel like i won the interview which i don't say often -- [ laughter ] but it's been cool. i've always been a massive, massive sports fan. so, i guess the normal trajectory isn't tennis player, you know, talking football with
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people. right? so, i certainly appreciate the opportunity but it was fun to talk to roger. he was very gracious. it was before last year's u.s. open. and he wasn't -- he was a little hurt and not playing great. people were ready to try to tell him what he should do and retire. and you know, he made time for me. it ended up being a conversation which was cool because we had never actually talked about any of our matches. we had never talked about -- the '09 wimbledon final or anything like that. yeah. it was -- for him. [ laughter ] it was -- a heartbreaking. no. [ laughter ] but it was just cool to actually pick his brain and hear he was very genuine with his thoughts. and i have a lot of respect for him. listen, i'd be the first person to jump on the band wagon of not liking him. i have a lot of reasons not to. he ruined me for ten years but -- [ laughter ] he's just a class act. >> seth: and you would defend him against his critics because you know, now that he is sort of not the number one player in the world. but you sort of defend him. >> he's way down at number two right now. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> that guy -- that guy sucks! >> seth: they talk about him like it's a precipitous decline
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but he is still two or three. i mean, that's where he's been -- >> i don't know what precipitous means -- [ laughter ] it's funny. while i was still playing, i remember i was doing a press conference and i can't spell it either. i was doing a press conference -- [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, i can't spell. >> i was going to challenge you but i decided against it. but there were 12 journalists there and he had dropped to number 3 in the world and these guys were like hounding me with questions about the demise of roger. it was like 2010. and i'm like, "there's 12 of you in here right now. nine of you are a lot worse at your job in this tiny room than roger is at his in the entire world of what he does so you need to be careful with your questions." and they didn't -- they didn't like that. >> seth: who's your pick for the u.s. open? >> gosh! i will say i would love nothing more than to see roger win one more before -- [ cheers and applause ] before he chooses to retire. and at this point it will be in 2057. >> seth: right. >> but i don't know that i can bet against djokovic in three out of five. he's been the best hardcore player in the world the last couple of years but -- hell.
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i'd love to see that final. i think everybody would. >> seth: that's great. and thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> seth: andy roddick, everybody. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: great to have you. "fox sports live" airs nightly on fox sports 1. we'll be right back with counting crows. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ eenie. meenie. miney. go. more adventures await in the seven-passenger lexus gx. see your lexus dealer. hardcore fitness based on 19th century farming practices. pick it! pick it! pick it! pull the plow son! this is not a one man joobbb!!! [ male announcer ] however you stay fit start with delicious low fat sandwiches like the subway club. subway. eat fresh.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my next guest has sold more than 20 million albums worldwide and released their latest this week. here to perform their new single "scarecrow" please welcome back to the show counting crows. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ mary steers clear of the men from space back alley kid with an american face ♪ ♪ she wants the wine he brings a case to carry them on through ♪ ♪ i said you know what i now about the
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bedroom boys ♪ ♪ undercover russians in a pink rolls royce they bang the drum she sets the beat ♪ ♪ they carry miss america out into the street ♪ ♪ she sings snowman scarecrow john doe buffalo ♪ ♪ i wish you wouldn't go i got the arms to reach you ♪ ♪ i am the scarecrow oh guess you oughta know ♪ ♪ i got the hands to teach you i am the scarecrow snowman freak show ♪ ♪ i fell out of love in the snowbound days ♪ ♪ riding the subway in a valium haze i need the white she gets the blues ♪ ♪ it carries us on through all these american boys ♪ ♪ at the park n shop selling their memories for a dollar a pop ♪ ♪ ivan the ancient
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spaceman race fan corners the market on american tastes ♪ ♪ and says spaceman scarecrow peepshow freakshow ♪ ♪ i wish you wouldn't go ♪ ♪ but i got the arms to reach you i am a scarecrow ♪ ♪ oh i guess you oughta known that i got the hands to teach you ♪ ♪ i am a scarecrow ♪ hmm punk rock video hey all the sudden light inside you dies ♪ ♪ maybe you're going on alone maybe you're going all alone ♪ ♪ she dreams of sunlight sings of smaller things ♪ ♪ white sugar bowls and wedding rings and you're going on from me alone ♪ ♪ you're going on you're on your own
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she was married alive in a moscow surgery ♪ ♪ hoping to die in a cold war nursery all of the kids back home believe in much ♪ ♪ more than we do ♪ it's a memory play where the memory fades into pictures you took into records we played ♪ ♪ spy vs spy scrarecrow and i out across the darkness where the bomber jets fly ♪ ♪ singing spaceman smokeshow scarecrow geronimo ♪ ♪ i wish you wouldn't go i got the arms to reach you ♪ ♪ i am a scarecrow oh no no no no no no no ♪ ♪ oh i guess you oughta known that i got the hands to teach you ♪ ♪ i am a scarecrow snowman freakshow ♪ ♪ come one come on come on ♪ ♪ oh i wish you wouldn't go but i got the arms to reach you ♪ ♪ i am the scarecrow
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oh, hell no oh, i wish you wouldn't go ♪ ♪ but i got the hands to teach you i am the scarecrow ♪ ♪ go on and say it on a midnight radio radio go go ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: counting crows, the album, "somewhere under wonderland" is available now.
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we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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to prove a point about internet speeds, we slowed down an up escalator. this is crazy i don't get it, this one is working ladies, shouldn't up be as fast as down? yeah. shouldn't internet speeds match as well? yes. do your socks match? my socks match. do your eyeballs match? yes. cable does not match the speeds. makes you want to go mad. erggggh. only verizon fios comes with speedmatch - upload speeds as fast as your download speeds join now at verizon.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to gwen stefani, andy roddick, counting crows and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> carson: welcome to the show. i'm carson daly. and tonight we have another incredible lineup from top to bottom. the band midlake get's the snapshot treatment tonight. our music is straight up amazing. it's goingng to kick your ass. the punk supergroup off! is with us, and they're performances are from the roxy. we're looking forward to that. but first, we welcome an acting legend to the show. you know john turturro from his memorable roles in films like, "barton fink" "the big lebowski" and "oh brother where art thou?" but he's also an accomplished director who's new film is the subject of tonight's spotlight. it's called, "fading gigolo." for more, we go to 1200 bar, at the sunset marquis to say hi to the great john turturro. >> my initial w


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